I Die Daily


1 Corinthians 15:31

Organizations are fueled by the human spirit and human energy. Like the mighty river that originates from a little spring, everything in the organization begins, rises, and falls from what happens in the leader’s secret heart.

It’s way too scary. I remember the years when I wanted to be the top guy, I wanted everyone to look up to me. I thought I deserved it because I’m so passionate and I’ve been through so much suffering. It was all about me. I was so blind. I hurt a lot of people.

So, I hid from leadership. I just wanted to do my thing. Then people started asking me to step up and lead. I was so afraid.

Memories of all the pain I caused and stories of so many leaders in the Bible and in my life who have fallen, burn like a continuous hot fire inside me. If I resist the flames, I freefall into a pit of despair. I say this God-life is way too uncomfortable, I need some relief.

If I cooperate with the flames, they burn away the “self” in me, leaving a few hot coals and ashes on the altar. Now there’s less of me and more of Jesus. I need to repeat the cycle often, daily, several times a day.

Sometimes when I drive up to our facility, I panic. Who am I to be responsible for all these lives? Then God whispers, “Just go in. Love the people. You’ll be okay.”

When we overcome an addiction, we say, “One day at a time.” Manhood and leadership are that way too. One day at a time.